How To Discuss Polygamy With Your Spouse
For many couples, the idea of polygamy and plural marriage naturally becomes a topic of discussion and their interest in it grows over time. Maybe the conversation is sparked by watching TV shows like Sister Wives or they have both just felt naturally called toward having a polygamous relationship but the discussions are easy, open, and fluid because they share a mutual interest in polygamy from the beginning.
For others, one partner develops an interest in polygamy before the other is even aware of the subject. First it starts as an idle curiosity, then interest grows as you learn more about it and begin to envision how it could enrich your own life, relationship, and family. The problem comes in that you find yourself having to introduce the topic to your unsuspecting spouse who may have never considered anything other than monogamy before and may be less than open to the idea when it's first introduced.
It's important to keep in mind that husbands and wives who have never considered having a plural marriage are likely to have very different reactions, first thoughts, and concerns when they are first introduced to the subject, so we will cover their likely concerns separately.
Introducing Polygamy To Your Husband
For most men, when their wife first shows an interest in having a sister wife, they will have several concerns come to mind. The first rush of thoughts would probably include the financial burden of a second wife and a larger family as well as the practical details. Quickly following that would likely be thinking that his wife is not serious, has not thought through what a plural marriage would be like, or would be hurt if he showed interest in having a second wife. For a husband that cares about his wife, this second rush of thoughts is what sticks and prevents him from even considering if he would like a plural marriage or how it may work.
For these reasons, it's important to express why you may want to pursue polygamy and think that a plural marriage would be right for you both. Just as importantly, he needs to know how your interest in polygamy dating got started and where you are coming from with it. For example, what is it that makes you feel like this is something you really want to do and the way you want to spend the rest of your lives?
Give him time to adjust to the idea of polygyny, especially if he has only been exposed to monogamy and has been convinced that women should see other women as threats and not as partners. And even more so if you have had issues with jealousy in the past, as you will need to let him know you have considered that issue fully.
Introducing Polygamy To Your Wife
Women tend to have a different set of concerns than men when it comes to having a polygamous relationship. It will be much easier for your wife to have hurt feelings and feel inadequate or insecure. She may have never paid attention to the subject of polygamy outside of it being a part of certain religious groups and reality TV shows. Her first instinct will likely be that you want to replace her, don't love her, or aren't satisfied in your relationship. Obviously, you need to take great effort to avoid hurting her feelings and introduce the concept of plural marriage slowly to see what her real thoughts are when given time to consider them on her own.
When you are suddenly discussing your conclusion on the issue, it's obvious that she's missed all of the interim steps as you were learning about polygamy and she will likely be left with nothing but the emotional response. But, if you help her see some of the path that you took as you learned about plural marriage, she will be able to develop her own ideas on the subject without the emotional interference or insecurities that can be introduced by suddenly finding that you want a second wife.
Remember, you made a mistake by going this far down the road in your thinking and research about polygamy without involving her. To a certain extent, you have to back up and let her develop an interest in polygamy dating on her own, without being rushed to come to the same conclusion as you.
How To Approach The Subject
The idea of polygamy may not be something that's easily talked about and may even come as a shock to your partner when it's first brought up. Maybe you both have strictly monogamous backgrounds and the idea of sharing a spouse had previously been completely foreign to you both.
It can be difficult to broach the topic of polygamy with your spouse if you're not sure how they will react but it is possible to have a productive conversation if you approach it in the right way.
The key here is not to spring the idea of plural marriage on them out of nowhere. It's important to take your time in introducing the concept and give them room to process their thoughts and feelings about it. This can be a sensitive topic for some, so approach it with caution and care.
Here are a few suggestions for how you can broach the topic of polygyny with your spouse in a way that is respectful, open-minded, and likely to lead to a productive conversation.
Bring up the topic gradually
If you're already in a committed relationship, start by asking your partner what they think about polygamy in general or possibly watch a TV show like Seeking Sister Wife together. See if they have any preconceived notions or judgments about it. From there, you can share your own thoughts and feelings on the subject.
Discuss polygamy casually
Once the subject has been introduced once, it's easier to discuss it in casual conversation. For example, you can mention an article you read about polygamy or a conversation you heard about it on the radio. This will help normalize the topic and make it less taboo.
Be honest about your feelings
When sharing your thoughts on polygamy with your spouse, it's important to be honest about how you're feeling. If you're interested in exploring the possibility of a polygamous relationship, let them know and explain why you're drawn to the idea. If you have reservations or doubts, share those as well because it helps to open up a dialog about the pros and cons.
Listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings
It's just as important to listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings on polygamy as it is to share your own. They may have strong reactions or they may be more open-minded than you expected. Either way, it's important to give them the space to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This will help them be less reluctant to share their more personal feelings on the subject and will help you both approach the idea together.
Encourage open communication
Finally, don't forget to keep communication open in your relationship overall. This is important on any topic but especially when discussing something as sensitive as polygamy. Make sure that you are both able to express your thoughts and feelings freely without fear of judgment or reprisal. If you can do this, you will be much more likely to reach a mutual understanding and respect for each other's views.
Exploring Polygamy With Your Partner
If you reach a point where you both feel that you want to explore the possibility of having a polygamous relationship further, you will want to set up a profile on a polygamy dating site like ModernPolygamy.com.
While it can seem like a big step, it's perfectly fine to explore a polygamy dating site together and talk with other people even before you are certain that you are ready for a polygamous relationship, much less plural marriage.
While you and your spouse can form your own views for what polygamy could mean for yourselves and even do research on what it means for other people, it's very different than meeting people interested in polygamy dating. Being able to casually have conversations with like-minded people is priceless when determining if this is a lifestyle you really want t pursue together.
Conclusion
Polygamy can be a controversial topic but it doesn't have to be a taboo subject in your relationship. By approaching it in the right way, you can have an honest and open discussion with your spouse about your feelings on the subject.
Remember to keep communication open and honest throughout the process so that you can reach a mutual understanding of each other's views. And finally, don't forget to have fun with it! Polygamy dating can be a great way to meet new people and explore a new relationship dynamic together.