Pros and Cons of Polygamy
It seems that there aren't very many honest articles about polygamy. Everyone has an agenda and is either trying to show how polygamy will lead to the downfall of humanity or how it is the greatest thing God gifted to mankind.
The truth is neither of these arguments are true. Like everything else, polygamy has its benefits and disadvantages. We'll talk about the biggest pros and cons of polygamy, based on our own experience.
Historical records of polygamy date back over 10,000 years. Obviously, plural marriage has been practiced over such a huge time period because it has distinct advantages. The historical advantages of polygamy still exist, but it's also important to note the benefits that are more unique to our time.
By far, the biggest benefit of polygamy is commitment and stability, both for the individuals involved and for the family as a whole.
Most people are polygamous because they love the stability of a solid family structure and want to surround themselves with that way of living.
At a time when many people feel that not much in the world is stable or permanent, polygamy offers something to depend on and a family to build your life around.
It's sometimes easy to feel that the family you were born into loves you because they have to, but doesn't necessarily accept you for who you truly are.
The beauty of polygamy is that the people around you, the people you chose for your family, are also the people who chose you. No one loves you out of obligation, but because they saw so much to love.
There's a great deal of peace to be found in that.
A Sense of Belonging
In addition to having stability and permanence in their personal life, most people crave feeling a sense of belonging. Polygamy, and being dedicated to family life, provides a sense of belonging to something larger than yourself.
This can be said for any healthy marriage and family environment, but it is especially true with a polygamous relationship.
In any marriage, or in life, it's important to feel that your role is important and matters.
In a plural marriage, everyone has to be working for the same ideals for the family to run smoothly. And when it does, polygamy is a beautiful thing that makes you feel the purpose of your life when you see the joy and happiness in the people that you love.
Help with everything
A great advantage of polygamy is that you never have to deal with your problems alone. In fact, there are no "your problems", only "our problems" exist in a healthy relationship.
Whether it's moving furniture, cooking the evening's dinner, taking care of a sick child, or doctoring a cut, there is always a helping hand and someone who cares. More than that, a sister wife who wants to be there with you and do it together.
There is an old expression that "it takes a village to raise a child". To a certain extent that is true, and even more in times like these. In polygamous relationships, you are essentially making your own community.
From a parent's point of view, more helping hands is always a good thing, and knowing that your children are surrounded by people that love them just as much as you is an important benefit. If the family has chosen to homeschool, spreading that load out among sister wives can also make the task more manageable.
From a child's point of view, feeling loved by more parents (and potentially siblings) is emotionally stabilizing. And when it comes to playing or needing to talk, someone always has time and is ready to be there when you need them.
In a healthy polygamous relationship, sister wives share a unique and irreplaceable bond.
Imagine living with your closest friend. A friend that always has your best interests at heart and is there for you when you are in need. Someone who will always be by your side as you build a life together with your husband.
A sister wife always has someone to turn to and female companionship to share her daily life with.
DisadvantagesAs with anything in life, polygamy comes with its own set of problems. From jealousy to legal concerns, there's a lot to consider before jumping into a polygamous relationship.
Jealousy is the biggest problem to overcome with polygamy. Society has taught most women to think of each other as threats to what is theirs rather than possible partners.
It takes opening yourself up and being vulnerable to being hurt by your partners before you can truly feel that they would never hurt you on purpose and just want the same things as you.
With more people in the family, and potentially more children, household expenses can get out of control quickly for a plural family.
If multiple people are working, polygamy can be quite beneficial financially. However, if only one person is working then polygamy can place a lot of load on their finances.
Many of the most successful polygamous families that we know live rurally and pursue a semi-homestead way of life that doesn't force the women to work outside the home and still allows for having a comfortable family life on a single income.
Lack of Individual Time
The worst disadvantage to polygamy is not always being able to give everyone you love enough of your time. Or, for yourself, not receiving the attention you need from the person you need at the right time.
With good communication and being aware of the danger, this problem can largely be avoided. But, for large polygamous families with 3 or more sister wives, and many kids, this issue can spiral out of control.
Laws can vary quite dramatically by country. In the United States, it is not possible to be married to more than one person on paper. At the same time, you can generally live, or have a relationship, with whoever you want. This places polygamy in a similar position as gay marriage in the 1990s. You can generally be in the relationship, but don't expect paperwork.
Much like that situation, court cases will eventually be made to rectify this. In the meantime, un-married polygamy is the only real option in the US.
Lessons of Polygamy
It is much easier to manage a polygamist household with one husband and two wives. Both the co-wives and the three spouses together generally enjoy a much closer bond than is seen in larger polygamous families.
Invest the time, emotional vulnerability, and effort needed to have great communication from the beginning of the relationship. This advice is true for monogamy as well, but it is especially critical for a polygamous relationship.
Consider the practical needs of your larger household and how your choices regarding family dynamics and children will affect you all financially.
Deal with jealousy by realizing that no one is wanting to take anything away from you or trying to compete with you. Instead, you're building a plural family and creating a life together.
If the wives have that outlook, there is very little reason to feel jealous of another sister wife.
Every relationship is different, and some pros and cons are impossible to know until you are dating or in a plural marriage. Learn as much as you can, and then follow what your heart tells you is right.
When you are ready to explore polygamy further, join the ModernPolygamy.com dating site.