How To Prepare To Join A Plural Marriage
Joining a polygamous marriage is a big step in your life, and it is life-changing. Most women have only had experience in monogamous relationships before their first relationship involving polygamy and a new sister wife has to adapt to a lot of adjustments.
This guide will tell you how to prepare to join a plural marriage.
Nurture Your Relationship With The First Wife
Your relationship with your new sister wife is as important as your relationship with your new husband. The bond is different, the attraction is different, and how you interact will be very different with your co-wife than with your husband.
You will be making a home together, so the more you can work together from the beginning the smoother life will go later.
You need to feel like you are not moving into 'her' home, and your new sister wife needs to feel that she has not been replaced. Both of you need to help the other one feel that you are joining together as sister wives sharing a husband.
Your new co-wife needs to take the lead in a lot of the transition with you joining the family. That does not mean that you need to take a back seat, but that it shouldn't be driven by the husband. The sister wives need to coordinate this process together.
Visit First
Do not just jump into moving in. Your relationship is, obviously, to a point where you are ready to proceed past just dating, but you should spend enough time at your new home to understand what adaptations you will have to make.
Even just a few 3-day trips can give you an idea of what your new plural family's schedule is and what you should expect when you become a full family member.
Merging With The Family
If the family has children, ask your new husband and co-wife if they look forward to your visits. If so, you're off to a good start. If not, you should try to understand the children's perspective before letting the relationship progress.
Likewise, if you have children of your own, make sure your children have spent enough time in their new home to look forward to the transition.
You should never make a point out of whether or not they call you Mom, because kids take time. Instead, if the subject is ever brought up, you can say that you hope that someday they will think of you as a mom and that's how you want to be for them.
Be kind, understanding, and patient.
If you both have children, be extra careful that the kids think of each other as buddies or partners, never as competition. If you can encourage teamwork and for the children to think of each other as siblings, your lives and theirs will be so much easier.
Let them know that it is a merged family and that they were not born together but are family because their parents fell in love and want what is best for them.
How To Handle Arguments
Arguments and misunderstandings happen in any marriage. It's how you handle those disagreements that matters.
With polygamy, it's very important to put yourself in situations where you are emotionally vulnerable. If you guard your emotions, that implies to your subconscious that your partners might hurt you if you were not guarded. That's not helpful to any relationship, but especially not in polygamy.
In any close relationship, you must be emotionally vulnerable before you can realize that the other person wouldn't hurt you emotionally, then you can relax and deal with the problem together.
And since people don't always have the presence of mind to do that, you must encourage your partners to express themselves in an understanding way.
Remember, you all chose to build a life together. That also means realizing that you are on the same side when there is a disagreement and addressing the issue from the perspective of trying to fix things together.
Your New Sex Life
If you're dating history consists exclusively of monogamous relationships, sex in a plural marriage can be a shock.
If you are in a plural relationship where the sister wives have separate bedrooms and the husband alternates nights, it can be quite an adjustment not to have your partner in bed with you every night. Even more so if you can hear sounds from the other bedroom.
Many contemporary polygamists prefer that everyone shares one bedroom. While this encourages having a closer relationship and discourages jealousy, it's quite a shift from a monogamous lifestyle.
If you and your sister wife are bisexual, you will have two loving partners with you every night, which can be wonderful.
While it sounds like a wild adventure, and can be at times, you have to be very careful not to get so caught up in the moment that you do something that may hurt your sister wife's feelings.
For example, how does she feel about intercourse when she isn't there? What about together? What form of intimacy does she feel most comfortable with?
Whatever the answers are, you need to share your own thoughts on this subject as well. The first several weeks of a new plural marriage are very fragile. Emotions can be hurt without even realizing when it happens, and you are building up patterns that will continue later in your relationship.
We recommend starting slowly. You are going to be with your husband and co-wife forever, so there is no need to rush intimacy.
It's impossible to ask too many questions when it comes to this subject.
Daily Routine
It's important for everyone in a plural family to know their role and what contribution they make to the family.
Ask your partners where they would like for you to help and what jobs you could assume, but also jump in and start doing what you know you are good at.
For example, don't wait for your co-wife to ask you to help with dinner or laundry, just ask her how she likes it and just start doing it.
Did you notice we said to ask her how she likes it done? You are joining a pre-existing family and, although you will have your own way of doing things, your co-wife already has things figured out and likely has strong opinions on how the household should be run.
The closer your bond is, and the more you have in common, the less of an issue this is as you will feel like the two of you 'click' anyway. But, making it your shared home together takes time. As much as she should want to make you feel like it is your home too, you should try to make your sister wives feel like you are not trying to take over.
Conclusion
You're trying to merge your lives to create a better plural family. You want to make better parents and wives, a better husband, and a more happy and united family.
If you all keep that perspective, and never lose track of your motivations for living plural marriage, you will be very successful in your married life.
If you haven't found your plural relationship yet, join ModernPolygamy.com to find polygamous couples seeking a sister wife.